Re-committing

Today, November 1, 2015, I am once again going to try to improve my life. Through this whole blogging process, I thought I wanted to vent some of my pent up emotion and that it would make me feel free. One can not be free of the self.

This 53rd year of life started out pretty badly from my perspective ; I had no husband, no money, no job.  What I did have was poor health, a daughter and parents that need me, a home in a rural county of north Florida, some really good friends, and the never wavering love of my creator - God. Here I am in the eleventh month of 2015, and the ninth month of my 53rd year and I have made progress, but not enough for my satisfaction.

On March 3, 2016, I will officially be 53. I want, by that time, to have scratched a few things off my bucket list. On the top of the list is overcoming vanity. Even in this "super-sized" body, I have had the crazy idea that a younger, good-looking, well established, guy could think of me as more than a friend. Vanity, vanity, vanity! I can see that my focus needs to be on becoming the bride of Christ. Yes, in that capacity, I will meet and be friends with my fellow Christians, male and female, and God will determine whether I experience a human marriage again before I die or Christ returns, which ever comes first.

Today, I start a six week program outlined by Dr. Joel Fuhrman in his book EAT TO LIVE. Hopefully "strict" will be my middle name and I will see great results. Until later ~ Rita D. 

WORDS

Yesterday, I realized that I am very literal. I almost started an argument with a friend over words. The win, in this situation, is that I backed off and did not force my opinion of his statements. Yet I write this today because I am vexed by the lingering dissatisfaction with his ambiguity and my reaction to it.

In the course of my life I have had many disagreements, lots of arguments and a couple of divorces over the misuse of words. Perhaps, my not understanding the context in which the speaker used the provoking word or words is what caused the problems. Because I am almost always the one to question the other person's statements, I initiate the "arguments." I will plead guilty to charges of being a stickler about words, my Dad is to blame, he taught me "Words mean things."

My Dad and I do not agree on everything, but we share some of the same character traits, probably because he ingrained them in me when I was just a little girl. He taught me that it was better to say nothing than to lie. He tried to teach me that it was better to disappoint people by refusing to commit, than to commit and then not follow through with the commitment; I have had to learn the commitment lesson the hard way (marriage vows are one of the most important commitments a person can make.)

My difficulties with marriage could be a whole series of blog posts, but because only one of my husbands is still living and able to defend himself, I will just say that I made lots of mistakes in my youth and I hope that I make fewer mistakes today and in the future.

I will attempt to get back to the impetus for writing this blog. I am trying to live my life as a woman of faith in the Creator of human kind, I do not always succeed, because I do not always submit my will to that of my Creator. I believe that the scriptures of the Holy Bible are inspired by the sustainer of all life, an infallible Being with the power to do as It/He/She chooses. My faith is that this Being always chooses what is in the long term best interest for all humanity. I believe that the scriptures give us insight in to the mistakes of people with whom this Being had close relationship status. I believe that if humans, myself included, would live by the commands written in Exodus chapter 20, we would all live happier lives. I apparently suffer, from time to time, short term memory loss; I forget how much better life is when I do what the scriptures instruct.

I do not know how many other people have to battle with themselves to not get caught up in senseless arguing, but I would like to share some of the scriptures that I studied today. The words written in Proverbs 21:9  "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop (exposed to the elements) than in a house shared with a contentious wife." are repeated in Proverbs 25:24 and rephrased in Proverbs 27: 15. James 4:1 asks where the conflicts and disputes among us come from and answers that they come from our cravings.

I wish that I could say that every time I called someone on their words that I was trying to have clarification, or help them understand how their words could be mistaken, but my motivation has not always been altruistic. Sometimes I just want to be "right", even if proving my accuracy hurts another person.

I am trying to overcome another character trait that I have had most of my life. It is actually painful to consider and admit that I have this disgusting habit. The practice I have had, with those that I am particularly close to, of talking to them as though they are "stupid", is a pattern I am striving to break. I think (I am not sure) that my numerous insecurities about other aspects of my life have lead me to take an attitude of superiority with words. It is kind of crazy that I would do this because I am not highly educated.

The following scripture has convicted me today and I am seeking the gift of repentance from my sins in the subjects I have discussed in this writing.

 Matthew 12:36 quotes Jesus as saying "I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

I thank any of you who take the time to read my musings and would welcome your feedback.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

New Moon, Friday, August 14th

Hello again, it has been quite some time since I have felt like sharing my life. Today, I touched every piece of clothing I own and tried on everything that is large enough to wear (I had clothes ranging from size 10 to size 26.) This mission took me all day and I discarded everything larger than an 18 as it is now bigger than I need. It was a great feeling.

Actually, I feel great most of the time. I love my life and the way I am living it right now. My days are filled with work and study, shopping for and eating fresh food, talking to and writing my friends, helping my family and others any way that I am able; it is a full life.

I choose to be: honest, healthy, happy and holy. How about you? What are your aspirations? I welcome the feedback.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Best Documentary 2015 - The Secrets Of Sugar - Science Channel Nation...

Sugar Baby

I have to quit. In my life I have made huge mistakes, but sugar is not one I have to continue making.
 
What say you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8eQ_8Jogcw&feature=youtu.be

April 22, 2015

This week was another win! I lost 1.8 lbs. in spite of the fact that I ate far too much on Saturday.

Today, at my TOPS meeting, I presented a program on motivation. Three factors effect weight loss. Most people, if asked, would answer that diet and exercise are two of the factors of weight loss, but most people do not realize that MOTIVATION is the most important factor. Staying motivated takes focus, visualization, and affirmation.

I have been overweight since my pregnancy with my youngest child. Over 21 years of wear and tear on my body, carrying about 100 lbs of excess weight, has damaged my back and legs. I am determined to take this extra weight off. My motivation is the fact that I have beautiful clothes in smaller sizes and few clothes that fit me right now. I have lost exactly 14 pounds since my birthday and I am very happy about that. After I have lost another 14 pounds, I will be able to fit in to some of my lovely dresses that I long to wear. Over the last 7 weeks I have come to realize that this journey toward better health will last the rest of my life.

I would like to develop and keep an attitude of being responsible for my own happiness. I am beginning to see and understand that no one should have the pressure of being responsible for making me happy except me. I am ready to rewrite my story. In the new version I am OK with the life that I have lived and I will choose, with God's help, to improve myself daily.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Starving

I make it through my life by the grace of God. I have not had regular employment since my husband and "boss" died in September 2013. In the first few months after his death I made some very bad choices in my attempt to escape the pain of a life without him. I lost about 35 lbs. really quickly because when I felt uncomfortable, instead of eating, I made an appointment for a massage. I can tell you that massage can be an expensive "diet."

Here I am an overweight, unemployed, 52 year old woman seeking to "be" ok.  My husband used to ask me why I could not just be. He did not like my proclivity to question everything. Ironically, in trying to just "be", I am questioning everything "me". Some things are unchangeable, like my age and the family to whom I was born and all the life experiences through which I have lived, but certainly I do not have to repeat unhealthy behaviors. I would really like to understand why I do certain things over and over when the outcome is painful.

When I used to watch the Biggest Loser on TV they played up the contestants breakthrough moments. One of the moments of epiphany for me, came when reading about addiction. This person related her addiction as trying to fill a hole in herself, that she eventually found that only God's love could fill. I posted of my breakthrough on Facebook, March 22, 2015.

Preparing for Passover thoughts : Food can not give love or forgiveness, but time after time I have taken refuge in the sublime creations of gifted chefs or wallowed in the depths of my pain by eating a whole bag of Oreos, when what I needed was love and redemption.

I want to have healthy relationships. I would like to be a true friend to my children and grandchildren. I write this blog and allow friends and strangers to join my journey to health, because one never knows how a life can be changed. I do feel strongly that as human "be"ings we share lots of common pitfalls, perhaps we can avoid some of them together.

This past week I lost 2.4 pounds. I am satisfied that it is the right direction.

Love can be a poor person's sustenance and food a dangerous substitute. I am praying that I can accept that starving is a valid way to live at this time.  Until Later~ Rita Darlene

WEEK 3

PROVERBS 13 : 3  those who guard their mouths preserve their lives; those who open wide their lips come to ruin.

Guarding my mouth was a bit easier this week. I still ate things that I will not eat in week 4, like cheese. I will not eat it because I finished off the last of it last night around 10:30. I think that my focus for week 4 will be getting an earlier start on my nights sleep.

I lost 2.8 lbs. this week, which means this is not coming off as quickly as it went on. Another opportunity for me to learn patience. This week I struggled with being overwhelmed by "stuff."
I have too much, too many things , too many pounds on m body. But with lunches like this the weight will come off.

I promised to give the recipe for the frosty fruit drink that I made on Sunday, so here it is :

1 Cup unsweetened almond milk
1 Cup frozen strawberries
2 frozen bananas (broken in to pieces
2 Cups pineapple tidbits in juice

Put all ingredients in a blender and pulse or ice crush until smooth. Drink immediately or have one and freeze the rest as a lovely sweet treat for later.

Wednesday's News (on Friday, no I do not procrastinate) - Week 2 results

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you."

I have come to realize that my mental health and my spiritual health are linked. All of my days go better when I focus on God first. Even the smallest difficulties seem huge when I do not bring them before my creator and ask for help. That "weighty" lesson was brought home to me this week on Wednesday, when after eating "good" food all week, I gained. Eight tenths of a pound is not a lot, but it was and is the wrong direction. If I do not follow through with this weight loss commitment, it will have far reaching consequences for me.

I have been cleaning out my closets. Some of the clothes that I have held on to are as ridiculous as some of the thought processes that have gone through my head over the last year. Does anyone else have stuff in their closet that should NEVER be worn by anyone, anywhere, much less in public? The things that I discard today are symbolic of some of the thoughts and actions that I hope, with the help of my Redeemer, to completely eliminate from my life.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

1st week results weight lost and knowledge gained

My first goal is to lose 30 lbs. in 30 days. I do not expect anyone else to do this, but I am morbidly obese and everyone that has ever dieted knows that one loses more quickly at the beginning than in the following weeks and months and years. Today was my weigh in at TOPS and the news is ... I lost 6.8lbs.

What I did this past week, was weak.  I plan to be more strict about eating in the morning. I have a bad habit of NOT eating in the morning, which puts me eating too late in the evening to be healthy. Because I changed what I was eating, I did not plan or do much exercise. That also will have to change if I am to attain my goal.

How I did it:

This plan is a combo of diets that have worked for me in the past. Fit For Life & Eat Right 4 Your Type. I use the mentality of Fit For Life with the food suggestions from Eat Right 4 Your Type.

First and foremost I ask that God help me to remember that my body is a temple, not a trash can. Then, I get up and take my supplements with water and give at least 30 minutes before I eat my first breakfast of fruit. Fruit really gets the digestive track going and gives some quick energy.After at least an hour, I have second breakfast of protein and veggies. Usually eggs and onions, peppers, mushrooms, broccoli or spinach and a large spoonful of salsa. On occasion I skip the eggs and have a ground turkey patty loaded up with seasonings wrapped in a large leaf of bib lettuce with tomatoes and cucumber.

For lunch I have either a starchy vegetable like a sweet potato or squash and a huge salad or something like tuna salad and a veggie soup.

Dinner is something that I really love. I am a beef eater, I love steak or roast or a juicy burger. I eat any of those with no bread or starchy vegetable. I either have a nice salad or steamed vegetable like broccoli or sauteed spinach.

This past week I focused on food.I changed the type of food I put in my body, but I did not worry about portions at all. I ate until I was not hungry. This coming week I plan to make sure I drink more water and add in some exercise.

Thanks for listening and being witnesses to my renaissance year. I have been battling my weight for over 21 years. My baby turns 21 on March 17th and I weigh more now that the day I went in the hospital to give birth to her. That is going to change this year.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  (RitaRemixed)










Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and you have me forever.

The less you eat the longer you live, so you live long enough to eat more.

Whoever put the "s" in FAsT FOOD was an advertising genius.

First Week of 52

My name is Rita. My health has not been the focus of my life. This was me on Tuesday March 3, 2015. I was not healthy on this day, although I was happy. My happiness came from knowing that this would be my "before" picture (and because I was visiting my oldest daughter and her two children, they always make me happy.)

I have a plan to change my life. This blog will follow the changes.

The first real change I made was to THINK about my life. There were/are many aspects of my life with which I was/am dissatisfied.

Since physical appearance is usually a major factor in the way people assess each other, the first change I felt/feel I had/have to make is to lose the excess weight that I have been carrying around for over twenty years.

I know that I need accountability to help me stay focused, so on Wednesday, March 4, 2015, I joined my local TOPS chapter. They weighed me and took pictures. I have documentation of just how bad the numbers were. I am not really comfortable putting those numbers out here just yet, but I will tell you that my size 20 clothes are uncomfortably tight and when I bend over to tie my shoes I can not breathe.

Over the last 30 years I have read lots of diet books and actually tried some of them for short periods of time. My personal plan for reducing my weight is a combination of the three "diets" that have worked for me. However, what I most want to concentrate on is food as nutrients. For too long I have used food as a reward or as a drug and that mentality will be hard to overcome.

I welcome encouragement in this process and would enjoy company on the journey to health. Your comments are appreciated (please keep it clean.)