Today, November 1, 2015, I am once again going to try to improve my life. Through this whole blogging process, I thought I wanted to vent some of my pent up emotion and that it would make me feel free. One can not be free of the self.
This 53rd year of life started out pretty badly from my perspective ; I had no husband, no money, no job. What I did have was poor health, a daughter and parents that need me, a home in a rural county of north Florida, some really good friends, and the never wavering love of my creator - God. Here I am in the eleventh month of 2015, and the ninth month of my 53rd year and I have made progress, but not enough for my satisfaction.
On March 3, 2016, I will officially be 53. I want, by that time, to have scratched a few things off my bucket list. On the top of the list is overcoming vanity. Even in this "super-sized" body, I have had the crazy idea that a younger, good-looking, well established, guy could think of me as more than a friend. Vanity, vanity, vanity! I can see that my focus needs to be on becoming the bride of Christ. Yes, in that capacity, I will meet and be friends with my fellow Christians, male and female, and God will determine whether I experience a human marriage again before I die or Christ returns, which ever comes first.
Today, I start a six week program outlined by Dr. Joel Fuhrman in his book EAT TO LIVE. Hopefully "strict" will be my middle name and I will see great results. Until later ~ Rita D.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Saturday, September 5, 2015
WORDS
Yesterday, I realized that I am very literal. I almost started an argument with a friend over words. The win, in this situation, is that I backed off and did not force my opinion of his statements. Yet I write this today because I am vexed by the lingering dissatisfaction with his ambiguity and my reaction to it.
In the course of my life I have had many disagreements, lots of arguments and a couple of divorces over the misuse of words. Perhaps, my not understanding the context in which the speaker used the provoking word or words is what caused the problems. Because I am almost always the one to question the other person's statements, I initiate the "arguments." I will plead guilty to charges of being a stickler about words, my Dad is to blame, he taught me "Words mean things."
My Dad and I do not agree on everything, but we share some of the same character traits, probably because he ingrained them in me when I was just a little girl. He taught me that it was better to say nothing than to lie. He tried to teach me that it was better to disappoint people by refusing to commit, than to commit and then not follow through with the commitment; I have had to learn the commitment lesson the hard way (marriage vows are one of the most important commitments a person can make.)
My difficulties with marriage could be a whole series of blog posts, but because only one of my husbands is still living and able to defend himself, I will just say that I made lots of mistakes in my youth and I hope that I make fewer mistakes today and in the future.
I will attempt to get back to the impetus for writing this blog. I am trying to live my life as a woman of faith in the Creator of human kind, I do not always succeed, because I do not always submit my will to that of my Creator. I believe that the scriptures of the Holy Bible are inspired by the sustainer of all life, an infallible Being with the power to do as It/He/She chooses. My faith is that this Being always chooses what is in the long term best interest for all humanity. I believe that the scriptures give us insight in to the mistakes of people with whom this Being had close relationship status. I believe that if humans, myself included, would live by the commands written in Exodus chapter 20, we would all live happier lives. I apparently suffer, from time to time, short term memory loss; I forget how much better life is when I do what the scriptures instruct.
I do not know how many other people have to battle with themselves to not get caught up in senseless arguing, but I would like to share some of the scriptures that I studied today. The words written in Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop (exposed to the elements) than in a house shared with a contentious wife." are repeated in Proverbs 25:24 and rephrased in Proverbs 27: 15. James 4:1 asks where the conflicts and disputes among us come from and answers that they come from our cravings.
I wish that I could say that every time I called someone on their words that I was trying to have clarification, or help them understand how their words could be mistaken, but my motivation has not always been altruistic. Sometimes I just want to be "right", even if proving my accuracy hurts another person.
I am trying to overcome another character trait that I have had most of my life. It is actually painful to consider and admit that I have this disgusting habit. The practice I have had, with those that I am particularly close to, of talking to them as though they are "stupid", is a pattern I am striving to break. I think (I am not sure) that my numerous insecurities about other aspects of my life have lead me to take an attitude of superiority with words. It is kind of crazy that I would do this because I am not highly educated.
The following scripture has convicted me today and I am seeking the gift of repentance from my sins in the subjects I have discussed in this writing.
Matthew 12:36 quotes Jesus as saying "I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
I thank any of you who take the time to read my musings and would welcome your feedback.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
In the course of my life I have had many disagreements, lots of arguments and a couple of divorces over the misuse of words. Perhaps, my not understanding the context in which the speaker used the provoking word or words is what caused the problems. Because I am almost always the one to question the other person's statements, I initiate the "arguments." I will plead guilty to charges of being a stickler about words, my Dad is to blame, he taught me "Words mean things."
My Dad and I do not agree on everything, but we share some of the same character traits, probably because he ingrained them in me when I was just a little girl. He taught me that it was better to say nothing than to lie. He tried to teach me that it was better to disappoint people by refusing to commit, than to commit and then not follow through with the commitment; I have had to learn the commitment lesson the hard way (marriage vows are one of the most important commitments a person can make.)
My difficulties with marriage could be a whole series of blog posts, but because only one of my husbands is still living and able to defend himself, I will just say that I made lots of mistakes in my youth and I hope that I make fewer mistakes today and in the future.
I will attempt to get back to the impetus for writing this blog. I am trying to live my life as a woman of faith in the Creator of human kind, I do not always succeed, because I do not always submit my will to that of my Creator. I believe that the scriptures of the Holy Bible are inspired by the sustainer of all life, an infallible Being with the power to do as It/He/She chooses. My faith is that this Being always chooses what is in the long term best interest for all humanity. I believe that the scriptures give us insight in to the mistakes of people with whom this Being had close relationship status. I believe that if humans, myself included, would live by the commands written in Exodus chapter 20, we would all live happier lives. I apparently suffer, from time to time, short term memory loss; I forget how much better life is when I do what the scriptures instruct.
I do not know how many other people have to battle with themselves to not get caught up in senseless arguing, but I would like to share some of the scriptures that I studied today. The words written in Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop (exposed to the elements) than in a house shared with a contentious wife." are repeated in Proverbs 25:24 and rephrased in Proverbs 27: 15. James 4:1 asks where the conflicts and disputes among us come from and answers that they come from our cravings.
I wish that I could say that every time I called someone on their words that I was trying to have clarification, or help them understand how their words could be mistaken, but my motivation has not always been altruistic. Sometimes I just want to be "right", even if proving my accuracy hurts another person.
I am trying to overcome another character trait that I have had most of my life. It is actually painful to consider and admit that I have this disgusting habit. The practice I have had, with those that I am particularly close to, of talking to them as though they are "stupid", is a pattern I am striving to break. I think (I am not sure) that my numerous insecurities about other aspects of my life have lead me to take an attitude of superiority with words. It is kind of crazy that I would do this because I am not highly educated.
The following scripture has convicted me today and I am seeking the gift of repentance from my sins in the subjects I have discussed in this writing.
Matthew 12:36 quotes Jesus as saying "I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
I thank any of you who take the time to read my musings and would welcome your feedback.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
Friday, August 14, 2015
New Moon, Friday, August 14th
Hello again, it has been quite some time since I have felt like sharing my life. Today, I touched every piece of clothing I own and tried on everything that is large enough to wear (I had clothes ranging from size 10 to size 26.) This mission took me all day and I discarded everything larger than an 18 as it is now bigger than I need. It was a great feeling.
Actually, I feel great most of the time. I love my life and the way I am living it right now. My days are filled with work and study, shopping for and eating fresh food, talking to and writing my friends, helping my family and others any way that I am able; it is a full life.
I choose to be: honest, healthy, happy and holy. How about you? What are your aspirations? I welcome the feedback.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
Actually, I feel great most of the time. I love my life and the way I am living it right now. My days are filled with work and study, shopping for and eating fresh food, talking to and writing my friends, helping my family and others any way that I am able; it is a full life.
I choose to be: honest, healthy, happy and holy. How about you? What are your aspirations? I welcome the feedback.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Sugar Baby
I have to quit. In my life I have made huge mistakes, but sugar is not one I have to continue making.
What say you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8eQ_8Jogcw&feature=youtu.be
What say you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8eQ_8Jogcw&feature=youtu.be
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
April 22, 2015
This week was another win! I lost 1.8 lbs. in spite of the fact that I ate far too much on Saturday.
Today, at my TOPS meeting, I presented a program on motivation. Three factors effect weight loss. Most people, if asked, would answer that diet and exercise are two of the factors of weight loss, but most people do not realize that MOTIVATION is the most important factor. Staying motivated takes focus, visualization, and affirmation.
I have been overweight since my pregnancy with my youngest child. Over 21 years of wear and tear on my body, carrying about 100 lbs of excess weight, has damaged my back and legs. I am determined to take this extra weight off. My motivation is the fact that I have beautiful clothes in smaller sizes and few clothes that fit me right now. I have lost exactly 14 pounds since my birthday and I am very happy about that. After I have lost another 14 pounds, I will be able to fit in to some of my lovely dresses that I long to wear. Over the last 7 weeks I have come to realize that this journey toward better health will last the rest of my life.
I would like to develop and keep an attitude of being responsible for my own happiness. I am beginning to see and understand that no one should have the pressure of being responsible for making me happy except me. I am ready to rewrite my story. In the new version I am OK with the life that I have lived and I will choose, with God's help, to improve myself daily.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
Today, at my TOPS meeting, I presented a program on motivation. Three factors effect weight loss. Most people, if asked, would answer that diet and exercise are two of the factors of weight loss, but most people do not realize that MOTIVATION is the most important factor. Staying motivated takes focus, visualization, and affirmation.
I have been overweight since my pregnancy with my youngest child. Over 21 years of wear and tear on my body, carrying about 100 lbs of excess weight, has damaged my back and legs. I am determined to take this extra weight off. My motivation is the fact that I have beautiful clothes in smaller sizes and few clothes that fit me right now. I have lost exactly 14 pounds since my birthday and I am very happy about that. After I have lost another 14 pounds, I will be able to fit in to some of my lovely dresses that I long to wear. Over the last 7 weeks I have come to realize that this journey toward better health will last the rest of my life.I would like to develop and keep an attitude of being responsible for my own happiness. I am beginning to see and understand that no one should have the pressure of being responsible for making me happy except me. I am ready to rewrite my story. In the new version I am OK with the life that I have lived and I will choose, with God's help, to improve myself daily.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Starving
I make it through my life by the grace of God. I have not had regular employment since my husband and "boss" died in September 2013. In the first few months after his death I made some very bad choices in my attempt to escape the pain of a life without him. I lost about 35 lbs. really quickly because when I felt uncomfortable, instead of eating, I made an appointment for a massage. I can tell you that massage can be an expensive "diet."
Here I am an overweight, unemployed, 52 year old woman seeking to "be" ok. My husband used to ask me why I could not just be. He did not like my proclivity to question everything. Ironically, in trying to just "be", I am questioning everything "me". Some things are unchangeable, like my age and the family to whom I was born and all the life experiences through which I have lived, but certainly I do not have to repeat unhealthy behaviors. I would really like to understand why I do certain things over and over when the outcome is painful.
When I used to watch the Biggest Loser on TV they played up the contestants breakthrough moments. One of the moments of epiphany for me, came when reading about addiction. This person related her addiction as trying to fill a hole in herself, that she eventually found that only God's love could fill. I posted of my breakthrough on Facebook, March 22, 2015.
Preparing for Passover thoughts : Food can not give love or forgiveness, but time after time I have taken refuge in the sublime creations of gifted chefs or wallowed in the depths of my pain by eating a whole bag of Oreos, when what I needed was love and redemption.
I want to have healthy relationships. I would like to be a true friend to my children and grandchildren. I write this blog and allow friends and strangers to join my journey to health, because one never knows how a life can be changed. I do feel strongly that as human "be"ings we share lots of common pitfalls, perhaps we can avoid some of them together.
This past week I lost 2.4 pounds. I am satisfied that it is the right direction.
Love can be a poor person's sustenance and food a dangerous substitute. I am praying that I can accept that starving is a valid way to live at this time. Until Later~ Rita Darlene
Here I am an overweight, unemployed, 52 year old woman seeking to "be" ok. My husband used to ask me why I could not just be. He did not like my proclivity to question everything. Ironically, in trying to just "be", I am questioning everything "me". Some things are unchangeable, like my age and the family to whom I was born and all the life experiences through which I have lived, but certainly I do not have to repeat unhealthy behaviors. I would really like to understand why I do certain things over and over when the outcome is painful.
When I used to watch the Biggest Loser on TV they played up the contestants breakthrough moments. One of the moments of epiphany for me, came when reading about addiction. This person related her addiction as trying to fill a hole in herself, that she eventually found that only God's love could fill. I posted of my breakthrough on Facebook, March 22, 2015.
Preparing for Passover thoughts : Food can not give love or forgiveness, but time after time I have taken refuge in the sublime creations of gifted chefs or wallowed in the depths of my pain by eating a whole bag of Oreos, when what I needed was love and redemption.
I want to have healthy relationships. I would like to be a true friend to my children and grandchildren. I write this blog and allow friends and strangers to join my journey to health, because one never knows how a life can be changed. I do feel strongly that as human "be"ings we share lots of common pitfalls, perhaps we can avoid some of them together.
This past week I lost 2.4 pounds. I am satisfied that it is the right direction.
Love can be a poor person's sustenance and food a dangerous substitute. I am praying that I can accept that starving is a valid way to live at this time. Until Later~ Rita Darlene
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