Yesterday, I realized that I am very literal. I almost started an argument with a friend over words. The win, in this situation, is that I backed off and did not force my opinion of his statements. Yet I write this today because I am vexed by the lingering dissatisfaction with his ambiguity and my reaction to it.
In the course of my life I have had many disagreements, lots of arguments and a couple of divorces over the misuse of words. Perhaps, my not understanding the context in which the speaker used the provoking word or words is what caused the problems. Because I am almost always the one to question the other person's statements, I initiate the "arguments." I will plead guilty to charges of being a stickler about words, my Dad is to blame, he taught me "Words mean things."
My Dad and I do not agree on everything, but we share some of the same character traits, probably because he ingrained them in me when I was just a little girl. He taught me that it was better to say nothing than to lie. He tried to teach me that it was better to disappoint people by refusing to commit, than to commit and then not follow through with the commitment; I have had to learn the commitment lesson the hard way (marriage vows are one of the most important commitments a person can make.)
My difficulties with marriage could be a whole series of blog posts, but because only one of my husbands is still living and able to defend himself, I will just say that I made lots of mistakes in my youth and I hope that I make fewer mistakes today and in the future.
I will attempt to get back to the impetus for writing this blog. I am trying to live my life as a woman of faith in the Creator of human kind, I do not always succeed, because I do not always submit my will to that of my Creator. I believe that the scriptures of the Holy Bible are inspired by the sustainer of all life, an infallible Being with the power to do as It/He/She chooses. My faith is that this Being always chooses what is in the long term best interest for all humanity. I believe that the scriptures give us insight in to the mistakes of people with whom this Being had close relationship status. I believe that if humans, myself included, would live by the commands written in Exodus chapter 20, we would all live happier lives. I apparently suffer, from time to time, short term memory loss; I forget how much better life is when I do what the scriptures instruct.
I do not know how many other people have to battle with themselves to not get caught up in senseless arguing, but I would like to share some of the scriptures that I studied today. The words written in Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop (exposed to the elements) than in a house shared with a contentious wife." are repeated in Proverbs 25:24 and rephrased in Proverbs 27: 15. James 4:1 asks where the conflicts and disputes among us come from and answers that they come from our cravings.
I wish that I could say that every time I called someone on their words that I was trying to have clarification, or help them understand how their words could be mistaken, but my motivation has not always been altruistic. Sometimes I just want to be "right", even if proving my accuracy hurts another person.
I am trying to overcome another character trait that I have had most of my life. It is actually painful to consider and admit that I have this disgusting habit. The practice I have had, with those that I am particularly close to, of talking to them as though they are "stupid", is a pattern I am striving to break. I think (I am not sure) that my numerous insecurities about other aspects of my life have lead me to take an attitude of superiority with words. It is kind of crazy that I would do this because I am not highly educated.
The following scripture has convicted me today and I am seeking the gift of repentance from my sins in the subjects I have discussed in this writing.
Matthew 12:36 quotes Jesus as saying "I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
I thank any of you who take the time to read my musings and would welcome your feedback.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene
